Birthday horoscope round-up, 2008: Random events could occur!

BEHOLD the awesomeness that a Google image search on “Pisces” bringeth forth. (3/29: After two weeks I had to put that picture behind a link, because as awesome as it was, it was starting to really bug me and hurt my brain.)

And this is exactly how I plan to spend the day, hanging out vacantly in my underwater disco with my koi and my jewels. Let me also contemplate the prophecies of the coming year, according to the greatest astrological wisdom the internet can offer (for free):

I found this one last night, since it runs in a New Zealand paper and is therefore from the future:

Expect the unexpected in 2008. Random events could occur and whether they are unusual or untested, you might be immediately aware of the benefits. Act on left-field ideas or crazy hunches without hesitation.

Random events could occur. I might be immediately aware of them. I could be somewhere in a situation where possibly I’d be compelled to act or react in a particular manner and WHOA! I have a crazy hunch this one will come true. The future does not lie!

Cafe Astrology says:

2008 will be a Number Eight year for you. Ruled by Saturn. This is a year of power and accomplishment. Actively seeking to expand, taking educated risks, and moving forward are highlighted. This is a year of opportunity, particularly in the material and business world, and opportunities need to be seized. It’s generally not a year to find a new love partner, simply because the focus is on the material world and your place in the world. This is a problem-solving year in which you can expect real, tangible results. Advice – take action, plan ahead, seize opportunities.

This is a pretty decent horoscope that appears to have been written by the Kellogg School of Management. I will put this into Powerpoint and review this at least once every quarter of this Number Eight Year, Mr. Saturn! Yes, sir!

Here is what Holiday Mathis says:

The experiences of this year help you connect your heart and head so you can live more fully in the moment. You’re popular and in demand over the next 10 weeks. Feel out situations before committing yourself. Give yourself permission to do what seems like fun! Profits soar in July. Relationships tighten in August. Libra and Aries adore you. Your lucky numbers are: 14, 3, 25, 31 and 17.

I’m popular! And I should have fun! I am giving myself permission to totally buy into this one. Though August sounds a little kinky, what with Libra and Aries and possibly the numbers 14 and 25 getting involved. I should really feel that out first. If you do not hear from me for 3 days in August please call 17 cops. Thanks!

Finally, the always mindblowing Lovepsychic.com weighs in:

Happy tremendous Thursday! Be conservation in all your actions today! A touchy Moon/Uranus contact creates chaotic situations. Maintain a flexible attitude and keep an open mind. Last minute changes come out of nowhere and people can have a indifferent or non cooperative attitude. Don’t expect too much when it comes to team work or group projects. It’s best to remain independent and solo today! If today is your birthday, happy birthday! You are a Pisces who is wonderfully creative. Sunday is your best day. The Moon is in the sign of Gemini. Best signs for the day are Gemini and Libra. Your dream symbol for the day is, “to dream of new shoes.”

Why, yes, Love Psychic, I will be conservation in all my actions! I will not be squander. Or liberalation. Or….whatever you mean. Also, should I just avoid touchy Moon/Uranus contact altogether, or just make sure I’ve had a few drinks first, or what? Please clarify! In the meantime I shall symbolically dream of dreaming of new shoes, which I sure as hell hope are more than metaphors, because I really fucking need new shoes.