Steam continues to be let off

It’s not easy to get to the end of things. It’s hard even when it comes as a relief, with enough of a rush to knock you down because you were more exhausted and overwhelmed than you wanted to admit. The book has been like this.

But Dana is going to be here in just a few hours and I’m going to spend my first weekend of relative freedom with her, and at the wedding of the century, and with friends of mine that I’ve missed so much over the past couple of months, who were patient and kind and supportive and confident that this stretch of being stupidly busy and frustrated and slightly-more-than-half-crazy wouldn’t last forever, even when I wasn’t sure myself. I’m looking forward to being happy again.

The new BUST is out now with my column on… um, “What It Would Be Like If You Totally Gorged Yourself On All The Girly Shit That’s Marketed To Us Women.” That’s the only way I can summarize it. Also, if you happen to be browsing through the September Teen Vogue for whatever age-inappropriate-yet-not-perverted reasons you might have, you’ll see me quoted in an article about teen online diet journals. I sound very stern with my whole critical- theory-informed assessement of the youth of today. But dude, I’m not going to french-kiss them the way Madonna would. (And you know I don’t mean that literally, right? RIGHT?)

First draft acknowledgements

Diet Coke; cold cereal; Apple Computers; Michael; all sugarless gum everywhere not including wintergreen flavors; ice; that coffee place on Lincoln across from the Davis Theatre which had reasonably non-wobbly tables; the band Iron & Wine; red licorice; Ron; Diet Rockstar Energy Beverage; Shylo; the Indie Pop Rocks internet radio station ,save for certain intervals where they really freaking needed to lay off with the Mates of State already; the Epson C64; Office Depot; Royal Thai; Trader Joe’s brand pitted prunes which I first found in the cupboard in the Ragdale kitchen and since then cannot stop eating for some damn reason; secret path by the Chicago river which I am so not going to tell you about; electricity; the laundromat on Damen with the drop-off service; automatic bill payment; water; gravity, the uncharacteristically cool July and August weather even though it is depressing the hell out of me now, this picture; carbs; Jesus; Microsoft Word. In no particular order. I couldn’t have done it without them.

Stacked, baby, stacked

The first draft is a little over 300 pages. It took about two hours to print on my inkjet printer. The manuscript is about as thick as my laptop.

the whole damn thing

my book, iBook

There are still more pages I need to add, and stuff I want to cut, and I feel I can’t even look at some of the chapters without my eyes crossing, and I’m still sort of twitching from a trippy mix of exhaustion and anxiety and stupid brute frustration at how stinking long this takes, but… hey! Look at that.

I’m going to pass out now.

Things I will do when I finish the book

Fix up the site; Swiffer; hit a flea market; buy a nice skirt or something, or no wait, maybe one of those dumb ponchos; ride bike to work; drink on someone’s nice back porch somewhere; see if I still know anyone who has a nice back porch; change sheets; get a decent hotdog; drink in a bar; fix cd drive on laptop; get wireless card on laptop; cry sloppily and with intense relief; take road trip; take plane trip; take New York trip; take another plane trip not to New York; rearrange books; watch a DVD; watch DVD AGAIN, with the bonus commentary tracks and stuff and everything; answer email; put up Disturbing Children’s Books; make that nice chicken salad; color hair; buy new bra; have people over for drinks; donate stuff to charity; weep; write fan letters to random people; treat corn on toe; go to the Container Store because hey why not; sleep late; sleep in middle of day; read a book; read a magazine as more than a means of distraction while on public transportation or in waiting room; download new music, legally or otherwise; go to Millenium Park; knit like a crazy motherfucker; cry some more.

My phys disability/mental struggle biography with roughly even amounts of descript and dialog

I’m looking forward to finishing my book for lots of reasons, but I especially can’t wait for my book to get an review. From what I can tell, it’s a write-your-own-book-review site that goes above and beyond customer reviews at Amazon or Epinions by providing a handy “detailed literary breakdown” chart with every review. (Scroll down to see the table on the left). Given the selection of plot, setting, character and style components available on this search page, I sincerely hope that my book is properly characterized as a PHYS DISABILITY/MENTAL STRUGGLE with FATNESS/BLUBBER and that it will appeal to anyone seeking a book with an AVERAGE AMOUNT OF DESCRIPTIONS OF SETTINGS and also NO TORTURE/DEATH. Because that’s really what I aspire to.

And this review of The Bell Jar is just the best thing ever.