OhNoMoBlo

Can I do NaBloPoMo without actually having to call it that? What if I pretend it actually stands for Narcoleptic Bloated Post-Modernism and just write lots of coy footnotes instead of blog posts? Or, better, what if I actually just post a little more often than I have in the past couple of weeks? Okay then!

I’m sorry that my Halloween costumes are getting more obscure every year. Last year I was a VC Andrews character, to the delight of approximately six people. This year Chris and I went as Raymond and Connie Marble, which I’m sure appealed only to the four people who have seen Pink Flamingos, or at least the two people who do not deeply resent us for reminding them that they have seen Pink Flamingos. Maybe next year I will dress up as a mumbled song lyric for a band nobody has heard of. (Well, nobody except Chris.)

We were thinking of going out again in costume last night, but we were waylaid by exhuastion and a surprise airing of Mommie Dearest on the Oxygen Network. Oh my God: I forgot about this freaking movie. I watched it constantly on HBO from the time I was about eleven to, I don’t know, the time my brain went soft and mushy just like the slab of rare prime rib little Christina defiantly refused to eat in that one scene REMEMBER THAT PART? REMEMBER? Ahh! And Chris had never seen it, so of course I had to usher him through the satin-upholstered luxe corridors of this fine, fine film. I hadn’t seen it for at least ten years and yet my memory is such that I can tell exactly which scenes are deleted or edited for TV broadcast and I am compelled to describe or even act out the missing dialogue. That’s right, I experience cinematic phantom limb pain for Mommie Dearest. How hideous is that?

Okay, I probably won’t post every day in November, since I have a column due soon and a trip next weekend. But I might have to tell you about how I lost seven pounds last month, and wow, that came out sounding like an informerical, didn’t it? I’ll tell you more later, hopefully not at all like an informercial and much more like the half-assed diet blog this site used to be.