America’s Next Top Model watch: Man, we sure hope all the remaining contestants sneak up on Melrose’s bed in the middle of the night to whack her with bars of soap wrapped in towels. That is all I will say about her. Remember, it was just a bad dream, skinny girl!
I’ll admit that I don’t really love any of the girls this season as much as I love the completely freakish challenges the show’s been putting them through. How can you not be in awe of the terrible, demented collective genius that decided to cast the twins as “Anorexia” and “Bulimia” in a theme photo shoot? That made a girl dress up as Stedman Graham? I was disappointed when Megan was eliminated, not just because of her looks, but because she’d survived a tragic plane crash when she was a little kid, and over and over she’d get called on to recite the story of her amazing ordeal. And okay, this is awful, but I was secretly hoping the show’s art directors would come up with some kind of plane-crash -themed photo shoot where she’d have to pose extra bravely while partially pinned under a chunk of fuselage. Really, the show is that good! I mean bad! But then again, they’ve gone and fired Dan and the other writers, so who knows how it’s all going to turn out.
This Thing I’m Doing is just past the 40 day mark, and as of tomorrow it’ll be six weeks. I don’t know if I mentioned that we’re shooting for a hundred days of This Thing, where we weigh ourselves every two weeks. (And yes, this is totally borrowed from Celebrity Fit Club, God help us. What can I sayâ€”that Tina Yothers, she spoke to me, even though I never watched her show when she was a kid.) Anyway, Day 100 hits in late January, right around the time whenâ€”usuallyâ€”it finally occurs to me that the holidays are over and I really ought to make a few twitchy, vaguely fitness-related movements as soon as I can dig myself out of the cozy nest I’ve built from fried Thai noodles. But I’m counting on things being different this year.
I feel, honestly, sort of sneaky about doing it this way. Mostly sneaky in a good way, but there’s a twinge of incredulity there, too. Maybe it’s because I’m such an unrepentant dork when it comes to the holidays. But if I don’t make sugar cookies this year, will a gang of Rankin-Bass characters come to my house to kick my ass? Probably not, right? Okay, then!