New jeans that are like my Jessica Simpson jeans in every way, except for the association with Jessica Simpson.
A perpetual can of Diet Coke that never goes empty, warm, or flat.
One of those heated Japanese bras. Black, please!
The head of Adam Corolla.
A robot servant who can charge my cell phone, update my iPod, pick up prescriptions, and dispense quarters through its mouth.
Exact replicas of the black-heart-skull-and-crossbones earrings worn by Nena in the video for 99 Luftballons.
A faithful ghost dog.
Some process by which to absorb the complete texts of the last two Harry Potter books without having to actually read them.
The amazing ability to turn lights and appliances on and off with the mere clap of my hands.