Thank you, Sun-Times and Channel 2 fellas, for exposing those Dove billboards for the anti-erection propaganda that they are. That’s right: in their menacing white panties, the Dove women are chunky size-ten threats to the fantasies that Chicago newsmen clearly feel entitled to enjoy at all times, or at least while commuting or running errands, or rushing out to cover a breaking story about a fire or a murder or whatever, or otherwise cavorting through the vast, roofless Playboy mansion that is our entire goddamn city. Because apparently it’s bad enough that actual women are allowed to walk around Michigan Avenue or Navy Pier with their real live fleshy-flesh sticking out from under shorts and halter tops as if it were hot out or something, as if Richard Roeper’s boner wasn’t totally at stake. (Does he think it’s like his thumb and that he gets to vote with it?)
Plus I love it when these editorials say stuff like “ads should be about the beautiful people” (see the second segment), and “if I want to see plump gals baring too much skin, I’ll go to Taste of Chicago,” as if it were all just a matter of venue–because, what, it’s of great masturbatory importance to see chubby chicks in one place and not another? Like are there secret freaky Old Testament-style Jerk-Off Laws that prohibit getting off on “real women” when they’re served up on the same platter used for taut model fantasy fucktoys? I know these guys are talking out of their asses, but there’s a whiff of righteous outrage coming out of there, too, and it’s creepy.
And don’t even get me started on this guy’s remark about these ads encouraging people to be out of shape. Uh, yeah, we can see right through that, and it doesn’t help the “obesity epidemic” any when the chub you’re most concerned about is the one in your pants, dude. We know what’s up with that. (Or what’s not up. Or… ew.)
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