It’s called I’m Not The New Me and it was published in Spring 2005. To find out more, go to the book site.

Originally I started it to record my experiences losing weight, to write about body issues, and to make big fat fun of diet culture. Some of the material can be found archived here. I also cover this subject in my book.

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Today I appeared on local Fox Morning News and then I walked out into the office plaza right into the middle of the Doublemint Twins casting call. The sidewalk was lined with pairs of young women in matching outfits. It took me a while to figure it out.

That’s right: I was on TV and then surrounded by hot twins. Clearly I lived someone’s fantasy this morning.

If my brain could breathe it would be making Darth Vader noises right now. Fwoooh, fwhihhh, fwoooh, fwhihhh. Like that. Fwoooh, fwhihhh, the you-know-what is out; fwoooh, fwhihhh, fwoooh, live TV Tuesday morning; fwoooh, fwhihhh,the reading Wednesday night; fwoooh, fwhihhh, the other reading Wednesday night. Fwoooh, radio Wednesday. Fwihh, radio Thursday. Fwoooh, fwhihhh, fwoooh, Seattle Friday. Yeah. Give me a paper bag. For my head to breathe in. And also, just so I can be really, stupidly, annoyingly shy just for a minute, okay? And then I’ll be fine. Fwoooh, thanks. Fwhihhh.

(This is also why I haven’t emailed you back. I will soon.)

Hats: I have it in my head that the new pope doesn’t look Pope-y enough, which is based on absolutely nothing but the fact that I’m not used to seeing anyone other than our old pope in pope clothes. It makes me oddly relieved for the modern convention of world leaders who are selected through relatively more lengthy public campaigns and allowed to dress themselves.

Fish: I bought some freeze-dried bloodworms for my Betta fish last week. They sounded much more exotic and appealing than the pellets I feed him, and I suppose I felt deep down that we needed some excitement, Bootsy and I. We were getting into this routine, you know, where he’d come right up to the side of the glass and stare plaintively at me while I dropped his food pellet into the water, and it was always really awkward because he couldn’t see that I was trying to feed him, since he’d be all up in my grill (as much as a two-inch fish in a glass-enclosed aquatic environment can be all up in one’s grill, which is more than one would think) and therefore oblivious to the food floating on the surface behind him. I’d tried pointing out the food to him–“Hey! Turn around!”–but he never took the hint, and I always felt I had to stick around until he found his dinner. I guess I was starting to resent him a little for not being more demonstrative and yet so demanding at the same time, though of course I never said so.

But I think we’ve gotten to a new level now in our relationship, thanks to the magic of dessciated red mosquito larvae. Bootsy loves them amd they seem to bring out his feral fish nature! Rarrgh! When he finds one floating nearby he THRASHES at it and chomps it down impressively as if it was a LIVING WORM and a menace to underwater civilization. I think he knows I like it when he shows off.

Also, a bulk quantity of dried bloodworms feels surprisingly soft to the touch, like something you could use to fill a little sachet pillow. Wouldn’t that make a nice gift?

Other: The following things already happened and thus they DO NOT COUNT as book talk: on Monday, there was an article in USA Today about Bloggers With Book Deals (a term I’d love to shorten to “BWBD” if it didn’t sound like a deviant personal ad abbreviation); they listed the book and interviewed my editor (who is also Wonkette’s editor). On Tuesday Eric Zorn mentioned INTNM in his Tribune blog and listed some lines from the book, and I hope that little preview will tide you over until next Tuesday, when the shit hits the fan and I go on the radio and TV and God knows what else (that I swore I wouldn’t mention now, so let’s move on).

Site: I wasn’t bullshitting you when I said the site was going to be redesigned. It’ll be done soon. There are all kinds of elaborate things being done with Moveable Type–which, despite being Moveable, is still really heavy and dangerous. I’m only just now allowed to touch it. When the new site goes up I’ll add about 10,000 blogs I have been wanting to add to my links list. Including yours. You’ll see.