That’s right: here is my list of Ten things I’ve done which you probably haven’t. I mean, I hope for your sake that you haven’t done most of these things.*
1. Attended a season finale party where I got to watch the cast of a reality show watch themselves and their own naked, pixellated asses on TV.
2. Composed rhyming back cover copy for a childrenï¿½s book about lice.
3. Mentioned (by first name only! like Cher or Madonna!) in Variety.
4. Ditched college classes on a Friday afternoon only to discover later that a disgrunted grad student had shot and killed five people on campus.
5. Shared a Vegas hotel room with a Fug Girl.
6. Wrote a book, doy.
7. Viewed the horrifying VH1 special of Liza and David’s wedding at least twenty times now.
8. Met with a MacArthur Genius for a thesis meeting and wound up drinking tequila and grape juice in Genius’s kitchen, which was all totally Genius’s genius idea, not mine.
9. Went to school on last day of seventh grade with hair sprayed jet black and dressed in a bizarre outfit that featured ripped fishnet stockings worn on various limbs.
10. Saw Spice World in the theatre during its original release.
*If the comments are any indication, an alarming number of you have done #10.