Dear trade paperback sales representatives, editorial and marketing staff at Riverhead Books and Penguin Putnam, booksellers, wholesalers, library buyers, book club people, members of the media, and maybe even Ira Glass, as well as various friends and family members of all of the aformentioned, and anyone else who happens to have a bound galley of my book:
Hello! And thank you for agreeing to read an advance copy of I’m Not the New Me! Or, if you didn’t explicitly agree to reading the book, for continuing to do whatever extremely sexy you do for a living that requires you to read galleys night after night. At any rate, I hope all of you enjoy reading your galley of I’m Not the New Me, my first book.
Please note this advance edition is FOR LIMITED DISTRIBUTION NOT FOR SALE, as indicated in the block letters on the bright red banner on the front cover, and in the two red banners on the back cover. You may also be aware that this is an UNCORRECTED MANUSCRIPT. While I understand that those of you who read galleys are well accustomed to seeing numerous print and even factual mistakes at this stage of the pre-publication process, and that really, you don’t mind if you can see where I drooled random punctuation and half-assed grammar all over the keyboard and where nobody bothered to clean it up for God’s sake, I am more than a tad mortified. And I know that reading the galley for a book is a lot like watching a dress rehearsal for a play, but all the same you�d hope the lead actress shaved her legs that day. Therefore I have begun to compile a list of all the typos and factual errors appearing in the galley edition of I’m Not the New Me in the hopes doing so will make your reading experience as pleasant as possible. Thank you. –WM
p. 3: We will fix that bad break at the top of the page. I mean, Jesus.
p. 41: There really should be commas after “thought” in Line 10 and “office” in Line 11.
p. 50: On the very last line on that page, the use of punctuation outside the word in quotation marks is wrong, unless you happen to be British. Then again, if you are British, the quotation marks are the wrong kind anyway. So I think the correct punctuation for the word in question, depending on who you are, can be ” ‘shitty,’ ” or ‘ “shitty”,’ or maybe even ‘shitty’, but definitely not ” “shitty”,.”
pp. 65-67, 69 Not sure if we can legally use the word “Slurpee” in this context. They’re checking.
p. 81: Lines 1, 2 and 4 should be in italics.
p 115: In Paragraph 2, the part that says “driving west towards the sun” is incorrect. Because I’m driving from Chicago to Pennsylvania in this chapter and going, you know, EAST. The corrected passage should say “driving east towards the sun,” and the scene in question should take place in the morning, even though technically it didn’t, because The Chicago Manual of Style does not advise reversing the earth’s rotation unless absolutely necessary.
p. 124, Line 1: I said “Louisville” but I meant “Knoxville.” You may have noticed that Louisville is not in Tennessee. Sorry. Knoxville. God.
p. 114: Typo in the first line, as I did not intend to actually say “anyβ.”
p. 177: Line 12 isn’t supposed to be indented like that. I’m sure you didn’t even notice, but still, it’s the principle of the thing.
p. 201: There’s a really bad break in Line 9. Oh, you’ll see.
p. 216-217: This part, starting with Paragraph 3, is really going to be a lot funnier in the published book.
p. 218: If you think the third sentence in the fourth paragraph ought to be in quotes, I have to agree.
p. 225, last line: You’d think I was retarded.
p. 226, Line 7: Or blind.
p. 227: Pretend Nathanael West’s first name is spelled correctly here. Thanks.
p. 242: There’s a word in Line 12 that looks as if I typed it with a goddamn stick held in my teeth.
p. 243: I know that “uncharacteristically” in that second paragraph is spelled correctly, but I swear to God, the more I stare at it, the weirder it looks. It really doesn’t sound like it should have as many letters as it does. I don’t know about you, but it’s starting to bother me.
p. 246: There should be a capital “L” in “Dom DeLuise.”
p. 246: Yes, Dom DeLuise. He’s in my book. Shut up.
p. 279: Line 3 should be “Sometimes,” not “Sø metimes,” but I bet you knew that.
p. 291: Please substitute “Cumberland Avenue” for “Golf Road,” even though in real life they are nowhere near each other and not in the least bit interchangeable.
p. 301: I may cut the word “fucking” in Line 3, so any offense taken here is provisional and must be checked against the bound book.
I just had to say how stunning the picture of Marilyn looks! go the curves!