I knew sooner or later the idyllic spell of Ragdale was going to be broken by something. I knew it wouldn’t take much.
Really, any little bit of spam in my inbox would have sufficed and it didn’t have to be one with the subject line Attack your wife with semen! Clearly “Tommy Bolton,” discount pharmaceutical entrepreneur, went above and beyond the line of duty here. He doesn’t say exactly how you, the discerning consumer, might ATTACK YOUR WIFE WITH SEMEN, but one can imagine all kinds of innovative methods involving filled balloons, ice cube trays, paintball pellets and whatnot. Or you could be in the kitchen with the electric mixer pretending to be making a cake and you can say to your wife, “Honey, come here–how do you turn this thing on?” and when she comes over you turn it on high and yell WHOOOOOPS!!! and when she figures out it’s not cake batter she’ll laugh and laugh! You could even use the tried and true bucket-over-the-door trick to attack your wife with semen the SNEAKY way! Attack your wife with semen! If that doesn’t make you sentimental about heterosexual marriage, I don’t know what will.