I haven’t told you about My Seven Homeschooled Children. My Seven Homeschooled Children are of course metaphorical children, but in my mind they’re quite real. They became a part of my life after I’d found a couple of Mormon teen romance novels a few months back. It would take too much time to explain how these books even came to my attention but I was fascinated with them.
I started looking on the internet and found the Mormon teen romance novel author’s webpage. She had a FAQ section, which included something like this:
Q: What is your writing process like?
A: Well, when you’re raising seven homeschooled children it can be hard to find time to write! But I manage to fit it in somehow!
I was instant-messaging with a friend while I was reading this page and I sent over the link. “Read this,” I said. “Does it say ‘seven homeschooled children’?” My friend wrote back: “Holy crap, it says SEVEN HOMESCHOOLED CHILDREN.” Seven homeschooled children!
Sometimes I think I don’t have enough time to write but obviously I have no fucking excuse, seeing as how I have no quantity of children, schooled or otherwise, at home or elsewhere. It’s become my mantra for when I’m feeling sorry for myself for having to juggle writing and the rest of my life with a full-time job. I’ll think, how the hell am I going to get these pages done? and then I’ll think Seven homeschooled children. Can’t I just blow off finishing this piece tonight? Seven homeschooled children say no! And as much as it makes me lonely and sad and resentful to have to turn down social stuff when I have a deadline, it sort of helps to say, “I’m sorry, but I have to stay home and feed My Seven Homeschooled Children tonight.”
I have yet to actually name My Seven Homeschooled Children, though. I’m too busy for that shit.