It’s not like me to watch this sort of thing, but in the BUST column I just finished I found myself writing an awful lot about Britney’s butt cellulite, so I guess I’m a little more invested than usual. And so, here is my reaction in list form:
1. Why did they make her even dance? Why did MTV think she could anything even remotely complicated, now that she no longer has a dedicated cadre of dungeonmaster managers and trainers to smack and pinch her through all the rehearsals? Why couldn’t they have just stuck her on a big swing or something?
2. I have a sinking feeling the weave was her idea.
3. SHE IS NOT FAT.
4. No, seriously: why did they make her DANCE? They could have just stuck her on a hydraulic lift. Or had her fly out on a zip line. Or wheeled her out on a dolley. They could have put her on a trampoline. They could have made her play a robot so that her shuffling and awkwardness wouldn’t have been so tragic. She could have driven out in a little car a la Gary Numan, so she wouldn’t have had to even walk. For the love of God IT DIDN’T HAVE TO BE THIS WAY.
5. They could have stuck her on a giant turntable. A bungee cord. A catapult. ANYTHING.
YES, for the love of GOD. The poor, confused thing. Aside from the hair, she looks great, but she is clearly no longer the ripped, toned dancer that she once was. AND WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT SHE WOULD BE? Does she think that? And if so, where were the managers who were supposed to convince her otherwise?
Oh, man, I’m with you. Maybe on her big swing, she could have focused on lip-synching properly. Then, if we could have fixed the hair — TOTAL WIN FOR EVERYONE. Instead… sigh.
Patti Anderson says
I don’t think she’s fat (ok, maybe a little tone-less) but this is a person who is famous in large part because of her young, hard body (it sure wasn’t her “singing” talent). I don’t think it’s wrong to point out she’s not in the shape she once was when she choses to “dance” in a sequin bikini on tv. I do feel sorry for her in a way because it’s obvious no one cares enough about her except as a meal ticket but in a sick way, her self-destruction is fascinating to watch.
Oh. Oh DEAR. The poor thing. I couldn’t tell if she was drugged, depressed, injured or simply terrified of falling off of those precarious boots. She looks fantastic, and jesus h, NOT fat – what is wrong with our culture?!
MTV had her dance for a multitude of reasons:
1) She never could sing (her vocals are really overproduced in a studio), and dancing/wearing provocative clothing/showing off her body is what she’s always been known for;
2) She has only ever sung live once — at her show in Vegas — and it was a disaster, so she always lip-synchs in performance. This time it was just off-the-charts-bad; and
3) MTV knew it would be bad, which makes for great television and the ensuing media coverage. Otherwise, the press would’ve given a small blurb that said “VMAs were as boring as ever.” This way, advertisers were happy and their ratings were up because everyone tuned in for the inevitable trainwreck. That’s why they call it show business and not show friends or show charity.
Forget about the fat comments, did you see girlfriend’s pupils? That was a mighty hefty cocktail of “pharmaceuticals” she was on last night. Who’s gonna die first? Brit or Amy Winehouse?
I felt pretty bad for her. It’s obvious that she was being led around by the other dancers and it was far too easy for her to be upstaged by nearly all of them. She was far more beautiful and sexy in that full-sized orange jumpsuit so why wear a tiny, uninteresting bikini? And her inability to walk steadily in those heels must have been clear in rehearsals. Which makes it seem like someone was having a laugh (or expecting good ratings) at her expense.
Yeah, I’m bugged by all these people saying she’s fat, too. No, she doesn’t have the flat tummy that no postpartum, preplastic surgery (and there are some pregnancy leftovers that not even the most skilled knife can cover) but bodywise, seh looked great. She looked like a woman. I should look so good after giving birth to two kids. Madonna doesn’t even look that good. (And why would she? Madonna’s my age, and she’s put out a couple of babies, too.)
And I do feel bad for her. Ever since Craig Ferguson’s lecture, he kind of turned me around on her.
I think she’s a living example of Anna Nicole Smith, in that I don’t think she has one responsible person in her life with their head on straight who gives a flying shit about her. And it’s obvious to me that she never has had that.
so tragic and sad. i only had one baby and i would love to have her figure. what happened to her mentor of yore, madonna? didn’t madonna scoop her up with her maverick label? can we sign her up for big brothers/big sisters or a foster family or something?
But why did they give her a fake wireless microphone?????? And I agree she’s not fat, she looks great, but she didn’t need to parade around in an unflattering tiny bikini, and that was all her decision. I am over feeling sorry for her, because it seems she pushes away anyone who tries to knock a lick of sense into her, and that is all her doing. What would be so wrong with moving to Louisiana and living on her ranch with her kids? She has enough money to last a lifetime.
i’m part of a livejournal blog that’s strictly celebrity news and gossip(http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt), and there was a post made with evidence that points to britney’s high heel breaking and that perhaps could account for some of her terrible dancing. anyways, link to the particular post is here: http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/15346373.html
watch out, it’s so easy to get sucked into reading that blog entirely too often.
I did the same thing you did. I became mesmerized. And really when I think of it, my feminism sort of gets upset. She’s realistically still blonde and beautifull(okay probably crazy if the tabloids are even mildly correct) and can still sing. But watching her crash, still makes me feel better. Like another beautiful girl crashes, the big girls are winning the battle because the beautiful ones are going crazy. I feel bad for that. Really, I do.
So much Schadenfreude in such a short snippet of video. Sigh.
I concur with most of the posters. Britney is/was:
Who, exactly, has the ovaries to draw paychecks as her stylist and PR folk? They should be shot. It’s not just this incident. Remember that Matt Lauer interview? That was a carefully choreographed publicity move and it was a disaster. At least she wasn’t popping gum while lip synching.
I agree most with DinerGirl. Someone stands to gain from her repeated failures.
Well, as we all should know …trainwrecks sell.
VirtualSprite (Amy) says
The latest “People” headlines say that her stylists walked out on her right before the performance.
I agree that she is not fat, and the bikini was probably not the best choice of wardrobe, but you all make a great point here. Brit’s never had to be responsible or remotely autonomous. She doesn’t have the skills and, apparently, no one has bothered to teach her. Kinda makes you wonder about today’s children in general, doesn’t it?
And I cry just a little bit every day that she has children of her own.
No, she’s not fat. Which made the unflatteringness (it’s a word, dammit!) of that outfit all the more shocking and horrifying. With those new curves and milk-filled boobs she could have looked amazingly sexy if she hadn’t dressed like a hooker from central casting. Poor thing….
As I read on my friend georgevna’s blog, what’s so horrible about it is that it’s just like that dream you have where you suddenly find yourself onstage and everyone is staring at you and you realize you didn’t rehearse and you don’t know the dance steps and you don’t know the words to the song and even worse – you’re in your underwear! Only, it really happened.
when a child doesn’t want to do something, they will do it badly. I don’t know if Britney even wants to ‘entertain’ anymore.
She seemed totally stoned to me, moving like a bored, washed up stripper. I will hate the day we hear she has killed herself, on purpose or by mistake. It’s a really sad situation. MTV exploited her by not giving her the hook before air time. You would have never seen Madonna do something like that, because she’s a total workaholic control freak professional. It’s a lot of work.
And I hate Rhianna for laughing too.
Umbrella? That dance with the chair, hat, umbrella, sparks has been done a million times before. Or maybe I’m really too old for all this crap
I second Pasta Queen’s observation, except maybe it was a combination of all of those factors plus the absolute mortification that comes from looking out at dozens of celebrities, all of whom would’ve sacrificed their agent to be her best friend before the partying and the nervous breakdown and the unfortuate husband and bags of Cheetos started taking their nasty toll, and realizing that every single one of them was either sad for her, or lavishing in their schadenfreude for her nosedive into oblivion.
I didn’t think she looked stoned so much as defiant and upset. She really is kind of naive in a way, as public as she is with her breakdowns; maybe she thought if she put on a skimpy outfit reminiscent of Britney of Yore, everyone would welcome her back with open arms and it’d be 2002 all over again. Regardless of the contributing factors, it’s such a sad, sad situation.
And no, she wasn’t the glorious archangel of stomach crunches and high interval aerobics like she used to be, but there’s no denying she’s a gorgeous woman who knows how to keep her body in decent shape. And those boots were phenomenal.
My husband thought she looked good, but in all actuality, the only way that THIS BritBrit could be a good role model is to change everything else in her life. I think she should just take a hiatus and raise her kids. Pass the torch to Jamie Lynn and get your stuff together, Brit. Life’s short. Enjoy your kids.