When Chocolate Rabbit Howls*

It was Sunday morning and there was a solid chocolate bunny. “You go first,” said Chris. So I bit the ears off. When I was younger I had certain rules regarding the ethical treatment of candy animals but this time I didn’t even snap the head off until after Chris had chomped the feet off and handed it back to me. I ate the head and passed it to Chris. Chris took another bite from his site and passed it back to me. It was a Dove bunny and it tasted holy. Then it tasted whole-milky, which of course is still really freaking good. By the fourth or fifth bite it was humming with sugar, and eating it was a little like tasting a 9-volt battery, a very very very very very delicious battery.

Around that time I whispered, “Should we stop?” Only half the bunny was gone. We were getting to the part of the bunny where you really have to gnaw. It was only going to get uglier from here. We ran into the kitchen and buried the carcass in the trash. “Oh God, hurry,” I heard myself saying. That was our Easter.

I’m finally beginning to accept all this almost-springness—even though it’s cold out there is sunlight and birdie noises and vague bits of green in the trees, and I’ll take that. I’ve stopped waiting for the sixty-degree weather to come back. I get it, Spring: you are a big flake. Maybe I’ll just start riding my bike anyway.

Some of you saw this map thingy I put up on Flickr a few weeks ago, where I traced a bicycle route to work using as much of the local off-road trail system as possible. It’s too far to do every day, but I can’t believe how much I want to try it. I bought a bike about three years ago but I never quite got the hang of riding. It’s a lot different from the way things were back when I was twelve and was way more scared of drugs (hello, I had just read Go Ask Alice) than traffic. But I think the trails nearby will be a good place to start, plus my legs might be stronger than they used to be, since I’ve been doing Weights & Hates since November, and all those (hateful) squats and lunges (of loathing) have to be good for something, right? That’s what I hope at least.

You Chicago people are going to come see me judge at the Spelling Bee at the Book Cellar this Friday, right? (Bonus: find the spelling error in that listing!) You Boston people are going to come see me and Jami and Janice and Hallelujah the Hills at the Great Scott NEXT Friday, yes? Good.

*Does anyone remember that book? And how it was made into a TV movie? With Shelley Long? Playing a woman with 92 personalities? Chris did not know until I told him and then it was like Christmas morning.

Comments

  1. says

    I didn’t read the book, but I do remember the TV movie. Sally Field as Sybil was way better. But then again, she only had to portray a dozen or so personalities, and not 100. But then again, she’s Sally Freaking Field!

    It’s (hint!) kind of funny when there’s a spelling error in a listing about a spelling bee. O how I wish I could compete in a grownup hipster spelling bee! Or at least watch Wendy judge one.

  2. myküll says

    I loved When Rabbit Howls. (It was a huge hit when I was working at Waldenbooks or City Books.) I don’t remember the movie–I must go rent immediately.

    I like this excerpt from “A Kid’s Review” on Amazon:

    An intellect is required during and after you read the book to at least partly process the information secretly given to you during the course of When Rabbit Howls. Reading this book for pure fun and no learning will get you no where, you must approach it with an intent to learn and think and, most defiantly, be confused beyond belief.

    And this excerpt from a review of the film:

    A horribly wasted opportunity of a really interesting book. If you want to know about Chase then read her book. Avoid this film because it sucks and is about as deep as any soap opera on television. Please Shelly long, stay away from acting. I give this film a 1 out of 10 for being gutless. Even Sybil, which suffered from the same problem had more balls than this film and dared to explore the psychological factors in a deeper fashion. I give it 1 out of 10. I hope that one day a good director will film the book.

  3. Lizzie says

    Oh man, I’m a Boston person, and Great Scott is one of my favorite places, but I have a work obligation next Friday night. Boo.

  4. Meghan says

    Truddi Chase also famously made Oprah cry and ask her cameramen to stop filming while she experienced a flashback to her own childhood of abuse (they didn’t). Way to go, Truddi!

  5. JennyM says

    Good luck with the biking thing. Every few months I dust off my bike, wondering why I don’t use it more often, and then later I put it up, wincing at the incredible soreness of the tender ladybits and remembering why I don’t use it more often.

  6. april says

    The title of that book has seriously haunted me for years. Once I had a job in a college library moving books all day. Sometimes I would read some of the random books instead of working and that was one of the books I picked up one day but I could never remember the name of it. I am renting that movie a.s.a.p.

  7. says

    I would never share a bunny or an easter egg and the loves of my life just have to deal with that. It’s never pretty when I savage them though (the chocolates, not the… never mind). x

  8. says

    Wendy, you’re seriously awesome. You managed a reference to “When Rabbit Howls” and “Go Ask Alice” in the same blog entry. I remember the Rabbit Howls thing AND I read the book. Truly horrifying…but I was somehow always drawn in by the truly horrifying. Maybe because my own life was all so relatively normal and whatnot. Go Ask Alice scared the living hell out of me in regards to drugs. I pretty much avoided any and all drug taking except the now usual suburban housewife ritual of the occassional valium and/or adderal snuck in from Mexico. But the street drugs? Nah…I don’t want to end up strung out having to write my journal on bits of brown paper bag and end up in an Beatrice Sparks novel. (which I now understand there’s some controversy as to whether these diaries/journals were “real” or not). But thanks for the memories!

  9. dimestore lipstick says

    Yeah, Spring is a big fat fake. With big fat flakes. You got chains for those bike tires?

  10. says

    Read this post having just devoured all but the gooey torso of a chocolate bunny- I microwave mine. P.S. I hear Peeps puff up spectacularly when microwaved…

  11. just say no says

    Peeps are best when either frozen or hidden for several months, then rediscovered- all chewy and stale.

  12. says

    We should have done that with our Easter eggs. I came home to find that my husband had eaten the half-egg I was saving for tonight… and was full of guilt about it. Oh dear.

  13. Louise says

    I love the way blogs foster cultural exchange! With that said, let us commence the tutorial:

    Peeps are a marshmallow-based Easter confection which are shaped like chicks and bunnies then lightly laminated in day-glow tinted sugar. Actually, it’s more like airbrushing than laminating. They come in a flat package with rows of conjoined marshmallow quintuplets.

    Our local paper is obsessed with them and manages to craft some sort of homage to them each spring. This year’s effort was a Peep-centric diorama contest.

    http://www.star-telegram.com/408/story/60111.html

    I’m not a fan of the Peeps, but know their legions are out there, waiting to write, status post Easter Peep-induced diabetic comas.

  14. Kristy says

    Amen! Thanks, Louise!

    (Just one more reason to adore Fort Worth, imho…who wouldn’t love a city with a newspaper this cool?)