Thirteen ways of reacting to an election

1. What? What?!!
2. So they still have to count what–130,000 provisional ballots? But it’s probably more, right? Because you know how those papery things stick together and stuff.
3. Can you get VH1 in Canada? If not, that might be a problem.
4. Moral values?! I got my “moral values” RIGHT HERE, buddy.
5. I bet if I keep clicking “refresh” on CNN.com it’s gonna load the real poll results.
6. Hold me, Jon Stewart.
7. Um, people? Those marriage amendments won’t make gay people disappear, you know.
8. Well, it’s not like sketch comedy impersonations of Kerry were going to be all that funny.
9. IF ONLY THE STINKING RAPTURE WOULD HAPPEN ALREADY. GO AHEAD! LEAVE US BEHIND NOW PLEASE!
10. Will Moral Values still let me drink? Because that might help.
11. I HOPE THE SECRET SERVICE DOESN’T VISIT MY HOUSE.
12. I wonder if I would really choke to death if I swallowed my own tongue.
13. Back to the same old shit.