You should know that when the leaves change color and the weather gets cooler I become a total gaylord. I buy the little pumpkins and line them up on my windowsill; I hang up the precious indian corn; I set out, and I’m not kidding here, a Bowl o’ Gourds on my coffee room table. Decorative gourds for purposes of thoughtful Autumn Contemplation should my guests feel the need. Do not tell me that they look “all freaky and shit;” do not call them Nature’s Ass Toys. That’s nasty and I don’t want to hear about it. I take my Fall Fun very seriously.
Moreover, you need to appreciate the scented candle that I got. It comes in a mason jar and lighting it is like setting off a fucking Pumpkin Spice Bomb in my living room. It’s great. I am pretty sure I can burn this candle, a cigar, a pile of tires, and a big bowl of hair all at the same time and my place will still smell all spicy cozy like Cottages of Yore where families would spend evenings at the hearth lighting sticks of cinnamon and tossing pumpkins back and forth or some damn thing. I love it, I tell you. Fall. FALL!!!